I was supposed to go into college today, but I was up late working on this stupid essay, that I didn't even finish in the end that I just slept till like 3ish today..I didn't send an email..or get in contact..I just want to curl up in bed and sleep..so thats what I did.
Everytime I don't have something to do my mind wonders over everything that I have done that I am not proud of...the stealing from shops..the fraud and using others peoples card and names for mobile phone contracts...the lying..everything..and most of it is greed! I just want what I want..and I will find a way of getting it! Once I have it, the thrill of it disappears and after a few weeks I want something else..something new and in a way I know why I think like that..it's partly down to my own mother..if she wanted something she would figure out a way of getting it..granted I don't think she ever did anything illegal..but she always got what she wanted..she lied..and she got it..she'd soon grow bored..but we were used to that, if it wasn't a different dog every few months, or constantly moving furniture, wanting a new car...tv..laptop..phone etc it all changed and she knew how to get it..I learned from her in that sense...and in another way if I couldn't find a legal way of getting what I wanted then I would automatically resort to getting it illegaly! That's just how I think..i'm on job seekers allowance its not exactly like I have money to spare..hell my electricity is due to run out as it is, and I have exactly £3 or £4 to put on the key again!
I don't want trouble, and I hate drama, I like it quiet but as soon as the police turn up and the shit hits the fan, I instantly want to blame everyone but myself, and in the end that's what I do, the solicitor shows up talks a little then I go home..no after care to stop it from happening again or someone to say lets see how we can help..nothing..I want to leave this all behind in september when I go to Uni....but what if I can't?
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